Some Calvin jokes

For better reading I've put subtitles below the first two strips. 

Subtitles:

Calvin: MOM! HEY MOM!

Mom: Calvin, stop yelling across the house! If you want to talk to me, walk over to the living room, where I am!

Calvin: I stepped in Dog Shit, where’s the hose?  

Subtitles:

Test: When did the Pilgrims land at Plymouth Rock?

Calvin: 1620

Calvin writes on the test: As you can see, I've memorized this utterly useless fact long enouhg to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've tought me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

Calvin: They say the satisfaction of teaching makes up for the lousy pay.

Vocabulary:

Pilgrim: A pilgrim (from the Latin peregrinus) is a traveller (literally one who has come from afar) who is on a journey to a holy place. However, that name was applied to early settlers of the Plymouth Colony in present-day Plymouth, Massachusetts, United States. The colony, established in 1620, becomes the United States of America.

tought: past tense of the verb “to teach”.

lousy (adj) /ˈlaʊzi/ : bad, or unpleasant

                                  I’m a lousy singer.

                                  lousy weather

by Vivian Barone